Lovelorn
by lycanus1
Summary: Where a young soldier confesses to himself his true feelings for the one man he admires and respects the most ... *hints at slash. Don't like ? Don't read*
1. The Determination of Youth

**Title:** Lovelorn  
**A****uthor:** Lycanus  
**Fandom:** Clash Of The Titans ( 2010 )  
**Character(s):** Ixas  
**Rating:** M  
**Summary:** Where a young soldier confesses to himself his true feelings for the one man he admires and respects the most ...  
**Comments & Reviews**: positive comments welcomed.  
**Disclaimer:** Sadly, neither Ixas nor the object of his affections, belong to me. Neither do the rest of the Gods and Titans. No matter how sore my knees have become from constant prayer and wishful thinking - they _still_ belong to Louis Leterrier and Warner Bros.

**Warning:** _contains mild slash and strong language._

**_XXXXXXXXXX_**

**Lovelorn**

_**i) The Determination of Youth **_

_**Ixas' pov:**_

He's old enough to be my father.

Cold. Arrogant. Proud. Unfeeling. And a ruthless, vicious bastard. An embittered warrior who never smiles and a merciless killer. Yet inspite of it all, I'm irresistibly drawn to him. I can't help being attracted to him. I want him ...

The Captain of the Honour Guard. Draco.

At first, I was fascinated by him. He intrigued me and commanded both awe and respect from everyone. I only knew what the other soldiers knew of him. That their much respected Captain was a stoic, silent man who guarded his privacy fiercely. That he was a widower, who lost his wife at childbirth ... and that his only child - a daughter - whom he loved deeply and treasured above all else, had also been stolen away from him. On her sixteenth birthday. Since her death, he'd changed beyond all recognition into the man he is today. One who vowed never to love or smile again.

But I've taken a vow of my own. Sworn on my life that_ I'll _be the one who will make him smile - no, laugh - once more. That I'll be the one to make him fall in love again ... And I will not rest until he_ is _mine. Heart. Body. And soul ...

My friend, Eusebios, believes that I am clearly mad to have given my love to one who is so cold. One that no longer possesses a heart. But I do not care. Despite his reputation for being a bastard, I know Draco's a good man at heart. A brave one. An honourable one. And a wise one. A man who possesses a keen and shrewd wit, as well as a mind which is far sharper than the lethal blade of his sword.

Eusebios claims that what I feel for Draco is nothing but youthful infatuation. A mere fancy which I will grow out of. But deep in my heart - in the marrow of my bones - I know he is wrong. What I feel for our Captain is far greater. It is stronger and more powerful than anything I've ever dreamed of ... or felt for anyone before.

The sound of Draco's deep, husky, faintly accented voice makes my heart race. And every moment I'm permitted to be in his presence, I treasure more than life itself.

But the sight of him ? Ah ... that truly takes my breath away. For Draco is handsome. God-like in his beauty. There is character, strength and nobility in every fine line of his lean, attractive face. It is branded with a dignity and a wealth of life's experience that only comes with maturity. Like I said, Draco is an exceptionally handsome man. His long, dark, braided hair - which I often imagine combing with my fingers - is now streaked with silver, as is his neatly trimmed beard.

I dream of his lips constantly. They are full and sensual ... just begging to be claimed by mine. And some day, I swear by the gods, by Olympus itself, I _will_ do it. I yearn to feel them against mine. To caress them slowly. Lingeringly. To part them, so I may plunder the moist, heated cavern of his mouth. To have his tongue snake around mine as we duel for dominance. I long to nip at those perfect lips, then to gently lave the sting away with my tongue. Soothing him. Comforting him. Tempting him. To utterly seduce him until I'm the only thing he's able to think of. To feel. To want ... Need ... And above all else, love ...

But his most striking assets are his eyes. They are stunningly beautiful. A warm, rich, clear gold. All-observant, full of intelligence and tinged with sorrow. They are the windows to his soul and have enslaved me from the moment we first met. One look was all it took and I was drowning in liquid gold. Captivated. Beguiled. And I was helpless. For I knew, I'd irrevocably lost my heart to this man for ever.

Despite having lived thirty four summers, Draco has the body of a man in his twenties. Lean and lithe, yet hard and sinewy. I am taller than him, yet when I'm in his company, I feel dwarfed by him. He is an imposing figure and moves with a silent, powerful, predatory grace. Full of vigour and vitality. And so virile. Everytime I look at him, my body clenches with an undeniable need. I burn for him. Crave his touch. Yearn to feel that strong, powerful, athletic frame entwined around me and for him to never set me free ...

I have no control whatsoever about the way I feel about him. Nor how my body responds to his close proximity.

I respect him. Desire him. Need him. I love him. And he, in his blissful ignorance, has no knowledge, no inkling, of my feelings. Of how I long to change all that. To make him aware of it. To have him notice me ... and to finally see the real me. Not a mere boy or a youth, but a man who knows his own mind and heart. Despite being a seemingly impudent, impetuous young cub as Solon often describes me. One who _is_ capable of love and who loves purely. Deeply. Passionately.

But for now, I am content to wait. I will bide my time. For I'm aware that to rush in without thinking will ensure that Draco will never be mine. I will need to be careful. To plan my seduction to the last detail. To woo him if need be - but to make damn sure that he finally recognizes me for who and what I am. A man who loves and respects him above all others. That I would willingly - eagerly - sacrifice myself if it ensured my Captain's wellbeing and happiness.

Until then, I'm happy to be his loyal slave ... and will guard Draco's safety - his life - as fiercely and as wholeheartedly as Cerberus protects the Underworld for its master, Hades. I shall remain devoted to him ... I have eyes for no other than him and am content to drink my beloved's Draco's beauty from the shadows as I patiently wait for him to see that I am sincere. That he means everything to me.

That_ he _is my life and is the one responsible for the constant, steady beat of my yearning heart ...

**Finis**


	2. With maturity comes wisdom ?

**Title:** Lovelorn  
**Author:** Lycanus  
**Fandom:** Clash Of The Titans ( 2010 )  
**Character(s): **Draco  
**Rating:** M  
**Summary:** Where an older warrior struggles to come to terms with being the object of another's affections ...  
**Comments & Reviews:** positive comments welcomed.  
**Disclaimer:** Sadly, neither Draco nor his determined, young admirer, belong to me. Neither do the rest of the Gods and Titans. No matter how sore my knees have become from constant prayer and wishful thinking - they _still_ belong to Louis Leterrier and Warner Bros.

**Warning:** _contains mild slash and strong language._

**_XXXXXXXXX_**

**Lovelorn**

_**ii) With maturity comes ... wisdom ? **_

_**Draco's pov:**_

I am old enough to be his father.

He is everything I am not and all that I used to be. Warm. Unassuming. Humble. Caring. An innocent, compassionate, gentle soul. And a spirited, fun-loving youth. Someone who is the exact opposite of me. A light which burns as brightly and warmly as Helios, the sun, in comparison to my cold, dark nature. He is the fire to my ice and despite all of my good intentions, his warmth and vitality draws me to him. Like a moth to a flame. No matter how hard I fight the attraction I feel, I find myself falling further under his spell. I want him ...

Ixas.

When he was first conscripted under my command, I paid him little or no heed. I could ill-afford to be distracted from my task of protecting our royal family. But over the course of time, things changed. I became increasingly aware of him. Of how popular and well-loved he was among the other men. And he was impossibly hard to dislike. Or ignore ...

At first, the youngling was rather quiet and shy, but as time flew, he gained confidence, became far more assured and determined. And for one who had seen barely nineteen summers, the change in him was great and so very attractive. Gone was the shy, hesitant youth and in his place stood a highly intelligent, quietly confident young man. One who's inner beauty equally matched, if not exceeded his outer appearance.

It was Solon, my second-in-command, who first drew my attention to the marked change in Ixas' manner towards me.

In the past, it held the deference shown by a young soldier to his commander. But now ? He still shows respect and obedience to me as he does to the other men. Yet, when he looks at me, there's a heated passion and a wistful longing in his steady, clear blue gaze. Expressive eyes normally the hue of the sky on a bright, sunny day, but which instantly darken and become tempestuous and full of yearning when they are fixed upon me. And I can't help but be aware of how he feels ... how intensely he wants me. _Me. _A man who's clearly old enough to have sired him ... And that both worries and frightens me. That he feels - cares - so greatly for someone who is said to be heartless. One who's vowed never to care for another whilst he is still able to draw breath.

I'm constantly aware of his scrutiny. It is full of reverence and love. Slavish in his loyalty, Ixas guards me as fiercely as Cerberus protects his master, Hades, leaving me in no doubt that he would willingly - eagerly - sacrifice himself should the need arise if it ensured my safety. And that is something I couldn't bear to happen. I will not allow it. I'd defy the gods - Zeus himself - rather than see Ixas come to any harm. Especially on my account ...

For in spite of all of my good intentions and my better judgement, I care for the impudent, impetuous young cub. Deeply. Yet I dare not show it or let him know how I feel about him. I cannot give him any hope when I know that I will end up hurting him. That I will bring him nothing but misery and pain. Stealing his innocence to leave him broken. As I am. And I've come to love him too dearly to allow that to happen. It's because I love him, I must keep him at arm's length. To remain aloof. Distant. And I hate myself for it.

I can't afford to lose him, like I've lost everyone who ever meant something to me. All whom I've loved - my parents, my beloved wife and my precious daughter - were stolen from me. Taken by the whim of the gods. Leaving me alone. Grief-stricken and in immense pain. After that, I vowed I would never love another. That I could not ... I dared not ... But Ixas would not be denied. Somehow, he broke through my defences and stole my heart. I fell for him. Passionately. Intensely. And irrevocably.

I cannot deny that Ixas is easy to love. He is. He possesses a keen and enquiring mind and a wisdom which belies his youthfulness. Ixas has boundless courage and always faces danger head on. He has a tendency to place himself in peril rather than risk the welfare and safety of his brothers-in-arms. And that is my greatest fear. That his fearlessness will be his downfall. That he will be lost whilst protecting others. That I will lose him because he values the lives of others above his own. And that very thought makes my blood run cold. That my beloved Ixas will cease to exist. That I will no longer hear his soft-spoken voice and his husky laughter. That he will no longer be at my side, bathed by Helios' rays until his beauty is illuminated.

For there is no doubt that my Ixas is beautiful. He's roughly my height. Lean and lithe. Broad of shoulder and chest; narrow of waist and lean of hip and possessing long legs and strong, muscular thighs. Long, dark, wavy hair falls past smooth, golden shoulders, framing a face that is perfection in my eyes. If I'm honest, he takes my breath away. A certain look from his guileless, gentle blue eyes never fails to make my heart race and sends a rush of blood - and longing - directly to my nethers.

The hunger I feel for him exceeds any that I've experienced before. It's intense. Powerful. And all-consuming. Yet I can never act upon it. Must never act upon it. I daren't. For the life of me, I cannot. No matter how badly I crave to feel Ixas' young, toned, sinewy frame wrapped around mine. For our bodies, glistening with sweat, to lie entwined as we lose ourselves to passion, want and need. To enjoy the touch of his calloused, dexterous archer's hands roam freely over my naked body, sending goose bumps along my sensitive skin.

I want to crush Ixas' flawless body beneath mine, wrap his strong, muscular thighs around my waist and hear him cry my name repeatedly as I take him over the edge and we both fall into the abyss. His voice hoarse, raspy, and so very attractive to my ears, full of need and thick with desire.

Now, I'm always aware of his presence. The warm caress of those limpid pools upon me. His need - his desire - is unmistakable in those striking, intelligent orbs and it inflames me. Makes me want to reciprocate, when I know I must not. Because for some inexplicable reason, known only to the gods themselves, I'm fated to be alone. Destined to live out the rest of my days in solitude. Never to love or be loved again. And I can't risk Ixas' life for my own selfish needs. I will not. I have to be strong. Strong enough for the both of us. I'm aware if I allow myself to be weak and yield to Ixas ... to give him what he wants ... what he craves, then I will have signed his death warrant. The gods will take him from me as surely as night follows day. I will lose another that I love and that's the last thing I want.

I couldn't live with myself, if I lost him ... if he were taken from me. And although this is sheer torture, keeping him away from me, I know I am doing the right thing, no matter how painful it is. I'd rather suffer and deny us both, than be without him. For I'd rather have him alive and as my brother-in-arms, than live with the knowledge that my selfishness, my love for him, will ultimately be responsible for his death ...

**Finis **


End file.
